black saturday

Il be moving to another place tomorrow. New bed, new house, new environment. It feels like I’m getting old for this, but that’s life. I’ve got to embrace changes, respond to it as I see fit or cease to exist.

But, hey, nothing could have been more timely than to start a new life on an Easter Sunday.

I am having mixed emotions though as a pack my things, again. I feel bad that I have to leave the only real home I know, the roof that protected me for the last 30 years, its walls that secured me even when I was miles away, its doors that were always open to me even in the most unholy hours and in the most unfavorable circumstances.

Tomorrow is a different kind of moving out for me, because unlike the countless moving in and outs of the different pads I had before, this one I’m not only leaving a house, I’m leaving my family. And damn, it feels like I just died. I’m convinced however that this is a necessary death, just as Jesus had to die on the cross some two thousand years ago.

The uncertainties that future brings makes me shiver, and like Christ I feel like shouting at the top of my lungs ‘Father, why have you forsaken me?!” But the call to surrender and to have faith outweighs it all. I mean I have always walked this earth with great faith to the Good Man up there, there’s no reason why I should start doubting now. Besides, the thought of Easter morning brings with it an ounce of hope. Hope, that everything would be fine. And like Christ, I am invited to embrace it with open arms and with a spirit of full surrender. Easier said though, even the son of man panicked on the cross before he finally accepted his fate. Nevertheless, he surrendered. That’s the call.

So whatever the future holds for me, I should feel so secure with the thought that I have a Good Man up there who has never left me even just for a sec. And if things seem so dark at the moment, I shall hold on to the thought that when my Easter morning comes it will all make sense.

Today is April 3, 2010. It is black Saturday.